am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
