Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There r osticjed everywhere
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
