Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I love you.
Bad choice
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
