the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
