it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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