Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
