i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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