Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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