I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
