Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
