Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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