Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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