Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
