cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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