i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
