dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
