you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
