My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
