Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Non-Jews are for practice
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
