i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
