After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
