You can't motorboat a personality
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
