So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
