He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
