i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
