hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
