WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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