and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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