What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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