my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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