so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
