I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just cropdusted the office
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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