Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
