Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
