I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
