it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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