Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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