i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
