Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
