Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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