im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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