Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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