I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
