Don't make out with my wife yet
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
