i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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