Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
