Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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