I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
