I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
