I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
