Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
vagina is talking i cant
We left an ass print on the piano.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
