dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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