Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
