im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
